Sunday, 24 May 2009

A Change In The Relationship

During our 3 years together, there were periods where Mr Silver and I spent months apart. Within three months of meeting him, he went away to Australia for nine weeks. We kept in touch via text messages, and resumed where we left off when he returned.

As he was older, it is easy to think Mr Silver played the part of my Sugar Daddy, and yes there were gifts. But if you think the gift giving was all one way you'd be wrong. I gave as good as I got. Strangely whenever I presented him with a gift, it put me in mind of all those time I would show my schoolwork to the headmaster.

At my school, when you did outstanding work it would be appraised by the headmaster, who would then award you with a merit mark. That's what it reminded me of, the same mixed feeling of pride, nervousness and anticipation as I waited for my gift to be assessed. Standing there, gift in hand, I felt like a child again. I think that was one of the first times I felt there was an imbalance in our relationship.

Over time, the nature of our relationship changed. I felt that I was no longer an equal partner in our little sexual adventure, and that I was there merely to service him. He always came when we had sex, and the sex we had was more geared to him getting off. Instead of being his equal, I felt like a trophy, something he could show off to his friends to prove he was still virile.

One major turning point came when wanted to fuck me. I was open to trying everything, so we did try, on several occasions. He would press his sheathed cock head against the entrance of my lubed virgin hole, but it would clamp shut. Even sniffing poppers had no effect, the slight dizzy feeling I got when I took a hit would disappear as soon as he attempted to enter me.

I had trouble getting a lubed finger up into my ass, so an erect cock had no chance. He was always too impatient to spend time fingering me, opening me up to receive his cock. At times he would press very hard against the small of my back when trying to enter me, which caused me as much discomfort as him trying to push himself into me. He just wanted to get in there, and was frustrated when it didn't happen. Once, after attempting to enter me he gave up, angrily saying he'd wasted another condom trying to fuck me. We broke up for quite a while after that.

Looking back, the use of poppers may have had something to do with it. I noticed that when he sniffed them he became another person, his sexual gratification became top priority. He wasn't the man I had trusted to explore my sexuality with when poppers were involved. I was just a hole to be used, and it made me feel cheap.

We did get back together again, after quite a lot of talking and with promises that he would try to take my feelings into account. He did change for a while, but got it into his head that I should move in with him. I didn't want to, I liked things the way they were and didn't feel I was ready to take that step.

In the back of my mind I knew that if I moved in with him I would loose myself. Moving in with him meant moving away from the city. I would be living in his house, socialising with his circle of friends. He would dictate what we did, where we went, and how my time would be spent. I did not want this. I valued my independence. I loved my job and my friends, and was sure I would have to give them up if I moved in with him. I did not want to be a kept man. We fought about this, and ended up breaking up again.

Months passed and in the meantime I changed jobs. It was at my new job that I fell head over heels in love with someone I worked with. This is a story I will return too, after I have concluded recounting my relationship with Mr Silver.

My new job meant I dealt with the public on a day to day basis. One day, Mr Silver walked into where I worked, and spent time, watching me from a distance. I worked in a public place so I couldn't exactly say anything. Later that day he sent me a text, saying he was surprised when he saw me, and how sexy I looked in my suit. He wanted to meet up again, but I wasn't sure. We ended up meeting at his house, and I ended up in his bed. On the ride home I told him about the guy I was in love with, and he said he was happy for me.

Mr Silver would come into my workplace on occasion, to watch me from afar. However, the next time we crossed paths at work, it didn't go as he expected. Instead of greeting him with a warm smile, my expression was less than friendly. Someone very close to me had passed away and I was caught in a tide of misery. I couldn't afford to take time off and had no choice but to work, but everyone around me could see my heart wasn't in it.

When Mr Silver walked passed me, interacting with him was the last thing I needed. I could not deal with him top of everything else, and I guess the look I gave him warned him away from talking to me. That was the last time I saw him in over a year.

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