Thursday, 7 May 2009

The Good Student

Where did you learn about sex? From your parents? Siblings? Friends and peers?

My parents never had "the talk" with me, and being an only child I had no siblings to impart wisdom. School biology lessons were geared to ther mechanincs of reproduction, and trying to discuss gay sex with my peers would have most likely resulted in me being beaten up.

I have always been an academic sort, so learning comes easily to me. Be it via books, music or other forms of media, I would assimilate the information. My sexual education came mostly from porn.

When I was 17 I found my fathers' video collection. It was a compelation of straight '70's porn. Complete with bad dialouge, funky disco soundtrack and big hair. Both on the actors heads, and their nether regions.

I spent many a stolen moment, home alone, watching those videoes. My attention focused on the men, on their hard cocks and thrusting asses. The first time I saw an erect cock, other than my own, was on those videoes. It also showed me how hairy the male body can get.

One of my favourite scenes involved a guy with sexy black hair all over his legs and ass. By 17 I had a moderate amount of body hair, but thought I was abnormally hairy. I mean no book on puberty ever said that I'd grow hair on my ballsack, or in the crack of my ass, so when it happened I was a little freaked out. But seeing how hairy the guy on the video was helped me to accept it was normal.

It was from those videoes that I learned about giving head. I learnt about rimming from watching the UK version of "Queer As Folk". Finally a programe which spoke to me about being a gay man. The scenes of Stewart and Nathan in the first episode were an eyeopener, and my first taste of man on man action.

The next taste came a week before I first had sex. I had arranged to meet Guy #1 (the bi football jock) with the express purpose of loosing my virginity, and I wanted my performance to be more than satisfactory. So, as I would do with any other exam, I needed to bone up (pun definitely intended!)

The closest city to where I lived at the time had a gay quater, to which I had never ventured before. In the heart of the area was a gay bookstore. Since I worked in the city I had a vauge idea where the bookstore was and resolved to go there to futher my education.

It was a sunny June day. I had left work early that day and walked down towards the gay quater, sunglasses covering my eyes in an attempt to protect my identity. My heart thundered in my chest as I apporached the door of the bookstore. I went inside and was met with the dimmly lit interior, which meant I had to remove my sunglasses to see anything.

Sirens wailed overhead. The lights went up and my photograph was taken. My cover was blown and the village elders were immediatly alerted to my fall from grace. Not really, but that's a fraction of the crazy thoughts that went through my mind. I was so scared of being caught out, to be branded a deviant for expressing who I was.

The store was a revelation, the walls lined with clothing and underwear, books, magazines and music CDs, and an area devoted to sex toys and leatherwear. I spent a long time browsing the shelves, my eyes pouring over every detail of the items on sale as I decided on what I wanted to buy. As it was early afternoon, there was no other customers, so I had the run of the store. I ended up buying a couple of lifestyle magazines, a couple of jack off magazines, some condoms, lube and a gay porn video.

I couldn't stuff the plastic bag containing my just purchased paraphinalia into my workbag quickly enough, or get my sunglasses back on fast enough as I left the store, the paranoia of being outed fresh in my mind. That store was an important focal point for my sexual development, and I visited it many times over the years I lived near the city.

On arriving home, I went straight up to my bedroom and popped the tape into my VCR. For the next week I watched the video, drinking up every scene, and learning about how to give blowjobs, how to curl my lips around my teeth and use my tongue. About 69ing, rimming and anal. Studying each action like the good student I am.

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